Thor and Loki watch Thor
by The Wolf You Fear
Summary: Thor convinces Loki to watch a movie with him... but it's not just any movie.
1. Chapter 1

It had been four days since Loki had been imprisoned for his war crimes on Earth. Thor still saw good in him and constantly tried to get him in a better mood. What a dumb blonde Labrador.

"Loki, c'mon let's watch a movie!" The God of Thunder prodded at Loki's side.

"Don't tell me it's one of those puny mortals' ones."

Thor hesitated, doggishly looking confused, "It's kinda hard to tell."

Loki, seeing his half brother would not give up, he sighed and turned towards the TV screen as Thor slid the disk in.

Thor sat back with a grin when the opening scene revealed two scientists squabbling over some readings, and one extremely dumb one incessant to turn on the radio.

Loki showed no interest in the movie until a large aura appeared in the sky. "That looks just like the bifrost auras doesn't it?" He murmured. Thor just grinned wider.

The scientists were now driving their van as fast as they could towards the aura "Stupid mortals", and a large explosion revealed the shape of a man crashing against the window. The scientists ran out of the van, with the short one leaning down over… THOR?

"You didn't tell me you were in a movie!" Loki yelled.

"Watch and see, brother," came the reply

"How many times do I have to tell you, I aint yo bro!" Loki yell-whispered. His attention jerked back to the screen when a voiceover of ODIN came on.

"Odin's in here too? And he's telling the tale he always told us as kids. I better be in here somewhere."

"There we are" Thor mused as the two gods as kids appeared on the screen.

Loki was growing more and more perplexed, but then was rattled into fighting over the popcorn with Thor. "Give. Me. It" He growled as Thor grabbed the bowl with his huge arms. "Ha-ha!" Loki laughed in triumph as he teleported away with the bowl. The next few minutes were spent chasing each other around the room, and only settling down when- _"Then I Odin Allfather, proclaim you…" Odin looked around, "Frost Giants."_

"He he I did that" Loki chuckled. Thor looked at him as if he had been picking his nose. Loki shrugged, "WHAT? I had to do SOMETHING. I couldn't just let ANOTHER blonde rule. I mean, when has someone WHO IS NOT BLONDE EVER RULED? Seriously, there should be some regulations."

"Sometimes you really confuse me brother. Everyone loves blonde God-hair."

Loki sneered, "We'll see 'bout that."

"Don't tell me you're planning to usurp the throne AGAIN?" Thor looked horrified. Who could blame him? Three movies with him starring, and none of them got him on the throne. Geez, man.

"No, just the fan girls." Loki mused.

The screen turned to show the Asgardians battling Jotuns. Fandral got impaled with an ice blade (embarrassing), Thor was propelling through the frost giants, Sif was stabbing them, Hogen was smashing them, and Loki was flinging his little magic-dagger-snowball-things and teleporting.

Loki straightened up, "Okay, how was this filmed with none of us noticing? What sort of pathetic mortal trickery is this?" Thor shrugged, confused.

"Pop tart?" he smiled, holding up a plate. Loki shrugged and munched on one sullenly as Thor wolfed down the rest. Sif brought in lots of pillows and blankets and sat down to watch. "Oh yeah," she said, "I think I've seen this one."

After Thor got banished and much fighting over popcorn ensued, Fandral brought in hot chocolate for everyone. Everyone's attention turned to the screen again when the scientists got into the car to look for the recently-missing Thor, and then promptly ran into him.

"I like her." Loki grinned. Thor punched him in the back. "What?" Loki retired to eating his pop tart.

"_This drink I like it."_

"_I know it's great right?"_

Thor stood up, hot chocolate in hand to deliver his next line: "ANOTHAA!" Thor promptly smashed the cup, hot chocolate and all onto the floor. Everyone jumped back.

"Only you Thor, only you," Fandral sighed, at the same time ironically throwing his own cup over his shoulder. Weird Asgardians.

Next Loki took everyone on a frantic hide-and-seek chase, in which he promptly disappeared with someone else's popcorn and teleported to some random place where he would eat as much of it as he could before they found him.

He finally suspended everyone's popcorn in midair so he could just reach up and get it, and everyone, (including Volstagg, who had just walked in with a HUGE bowl of popcorn) seemed to like that arrangement.

Between plucking popcorn kernels out of the air and trying to avoid getting hot chocolate stolen, the Asgardians managed to get hooked back into the movie.

"_My first command cannot be to undo the Allfather's last. We're on the brink of war with Joutenheim. Our people need a sense of continuity, in order to feel safe in these difficult times."_

At this point, everyone, especially Sif, started brutally punching Loki, who of course just teleported out of the way.

"YOU DORK! LIAR! WHY ARE YOU SO PERSUASIVE!?"

"'Cause I am," Loki calmly replied, taking a handful of popcorn out of the air.

The screen shifted to show a pop tart commercial starring the nyan cat.

Everyone turned to look at Loki.

"Movies don't have commercials, Loki…" Fandral said, trying to ignore the constant nyaning in his ears.

"Oh c'mon, you can't blame a guy for trying." Loki reluctantly removed the illusion from the screen.

As Loki quietly played with the now 3d illusion in his hand, the rest of the warriors turned back to the screen.


	2. Chapter 2

"_Our dearest friend banished, Loki on the throne, Asgard on the brink of war, yet you've managed to consume…"_

"I sound good in a movie, even when I'm just yelling at you for your diet you monstrosity." Fandral patted Volstagg's back.

"That was so encouraging Fandral, as I seem to recall it was you who made a fool of your swashbuckling self when you were eight-thousand and you asked out Sif and she-"

Fandral stood up, cutting off the oversized Asgardian with a single petrifying glare. Sif tried not to laugh. "Talketh not of that day, you Bilgesnipe! I was so sweet and charming… I do not know why she refused me…" He stepped back away from Volstagg, casting a forlorn glance at the formidable she-warrior in the corner.

"Then I see you still have not learned that NOT EVERYONE IN THE WHOLE NINE REALMS WANTS TO KISS YOUR FACE OFF!"

"Well, most of the nine realms…" Fandral sat down sadly and stared back at the screen as the others in the room stifled laughter.

The Destroyer had landed on earth, and shield agents were running from it as it wreaked destruction in its path.

"Brother, "The Labrador turned to Loki with a confused expression, "Why _did_ you tell the destroyer to kill me? That wasn't very nice…"

Loki opened his mouth as if to reply, then closed it, then opened it again, and suddenly collapsed on the ground rolling with laughter.

"It's…hhehe…not nice…haHAHAH…" Loki managed between uncontrollable laughter. Eventually, he sat up, still chuckling, and turned back to the ever-confused puppy, "Brother… when has that been your best insult? Too many pop tarts for you, man." He started laughing again, to everyone's chagrin, as they tried to ignore the madly-laughing prince of Asgard and watch the movie.

"_Brother whatever I have done to wrong you, whatever I have done to lead you to do this, I am truly sorry. But these people are innocent. Taking their lives, will gain you nothing."_

"Always such a drama queen, Thor," Sif said from her corner.

"Drama queen? I am the DRAMA PRINCE OF ASGARD, and you try something better when you're facing CERTAIN DEATH. WELL, ALMOST CERTAIN DEATH. THAT DIDN'T REALLY END UP BEING CERTAIN DEATH. WHATEVER YOU GET THE POINT."

"No…we really don't…" Fandral sighed, turning back to the screen. Everyone seemed to be finally settled in after a couple more minutes, and the movie seemed more and more enjoyable. Volstagg was just cozying up with his favorite pillow shaped like a steak, when suddenly the screen flickered, glitching hectically, before suddenly going black, startling everyone in the room before they found something even more foreboding.

Loki was gone.


	3. Chapter 3

Thor stood up, promptly spilling someone's hot chocolate as he grabbed his hammer. He turned to the doorway, scowling.

"Thor, we're just finding the movie. Do you need that?" Fandral looked nervously at the hammer, poised in Thor's beefy hand.

"THOU KNOWEST NOT WHAT BROTHER LOKI MAY DO! WE MUST FIND HIM!"

With that, the thunderous prince charged out of the room, audibly shattering or crushing everything in his wake. The others looked at each other with mixed expressions. Volstagg looked convicted.

Volstagg looked towards the door as if it held a bigger feast than the bulky warrior could fit in his large body. "We should help him."

"Yeah," Sif shrugged, "In a minute."

"THERE IS NO MINUTE TO LOSE! LOKI MAY STEAL ALL THE FOOD IN ASGARD! THIS MUST BE AVENGED!" And Volstagg charged out of the room, wielding his steak-pillow.

Sif sighed, glancing at Fandral, who was trying to quietly edge out of the room. He grinned widely at her, before promptly making a bolt for it. Man. They really wanted to finish that movie.

Sif stood silently, shaking her head at the gods' vengefulness. She finally sauntered over to the doorway, glancing around, and then dashed after the others. They would need help finding that movie.

Someone started playing "What Does the Fox Say", and the Midgardian melody spun throughout the vast golden chambers of the Asgardian castle, seeming really out of place, but hey it has a cool beat and I like this song, so just stick with the story. Jeeze.

Volstagg charged fiercely into the kitchen, brandishing his steak pillow, but his nightmare of the food being gone seemed not to be real. However, just in case it wasn't an illusion, Volstagg managed to taste each and every edible thing in the kitchen, probing around in every single drawer and case and whatever those Asgardians use to store food, and when he sat back, licking his fingers and pulling a stray piece of cheese from his long red beard, he realized he'd made quite a dent in the stores himself. No matter, he could always have Loki conjure an illusion.

Fandral hurried to the halls, where several women always hung about, dressed in draping robes, long hair cascading down their back, which now swung about rather wildly to the beat of the song. Seeing that Loki was not using his raven-haired charms on the girls, Fandral took some time to dance and flirt with them himself, doing the Charleston and some other Midgardian moves he'd learned. As he moon walked away from them, he bumped into Volstagg, just exiting the kitchens just as the song went to the line, _your fur is red, so beautiful_, and Fandral lip-synched the line, getting the girls and Volstagg and himself into a rather hectic dance.

Sif charged through the dungeons, the chambers, the feast halls, anywhere that Loki would be absurd enough to hide the movie. Finding nothing, she found herself in the practice arena, and pulling out her double-edged spear-sword, she began stabbing, slicing, and just being generally epic, to the beat of the song. Who cares about that movie anyway? Wait…

Thor charged through the castle, knowing that Loki would have stayed inside to enjoy the havoc he'd caused, but was starting to get a little blonde Labrador wimpy eyed, until he heard the music blasting from somewhere nearby, and someone singing along with it. He knew that voice. Grinning, the Thunder God rushed towards the sound- right into the shower rooms.

The music abruptly stopped, and everyone dancing or training to the beat looked up in confusion. High-pitched yells echoed around the castle, and several palace girls rushed from the shower rooms, followed by a triumphant looking Thor.

"I HAVE FOUND THE SOURCE OF THE MIND-CONTROLING SOUND! LOKI CAN TRICK US NO MORE!" He smashed the radio-type thing onto the ground, letting the parts sizzle and hiss as the burned. "THOR WILL NOT BE DEFEATED BY SUCH A COWARDLY FOE! LOOK HOW HE KNEELS BEFORE MY MIGHT!" Thor crushed it some more with his hammer for good measure.

Fandral looked up at the show on the banister outside the shower rooms and didn't bother reminding the Thunder God that it was just Midgardian music and GOODNESS SAKE THIS DUDE OVEREACTS TO EVERYTHING! But Fandral just shook his head, and turned to the nearest lady with a disarming smile, "Well, that's one less foe we will have to worry about, right Milady?" The girl giggled hysterically, and Fandral continued flirting.

Sif had walked out and was watching the whole thing, still holding her double-edged spear-sword. (Let's just call it DESS. Because seriously, I'm not gonna type that over and over. That's just a crime against humanity! O crap I sound like Thor, BUT THE CURSE OF THE ALL CAPS WILL NOT CLAIME ME! OH WAIT! AUIYTFLKUTDCLUTDFCUGTFV) Now Sif flung the sword in Thor's directing, the sharp metal tip glinting as it stuck into the wood of the banister.

"YOU STUPID BLONDE IDIOT! WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE FINDING THE MOVIE! AND FANDRAL, STOP FLIRTING! VOLSTAGG, TRY A DIET! HOGUN, YOU DIDN'T EVEN DO ANYTHING! THE WHOLE OF ASGARD'S BEST WARRIORS ARE A BUNCH OF IDIOTS! Except for me, I'm awesome. BUT GET YOUR ASGARDIAN TUSHIES OVER HERE OR I'LL SET ODIN ON YOU!"

Thor, Hogan, Fandral, and Volstagg walked slowly over to her with heads down as if she were a mother scolding her children for pouring juice on the gaurds. When they were finally all there, Sif looked around.

"Now, where is Loki…"She looked around.

"Right here."


End file.
